Friday, July 31, 2009

let me rest in peace

Insomnia biting at my brain, picking me apart silently, I cant control my thoughts long enough to sleep well. Even when I do manage to sleep, I don't escape. My thoughts run unbound to do as they will. against me.

So I hide.
I am an insomniac on purpose these days because I cant fend of these nightmares and I'm too weak to do anything different.

I wake up, hands quivering, stomach heaving, eyes clenched so tight it begins to hurt, far gone with too many tears to keep track. My pillows are saltly soaked and smeared with cosmetics from the previous night. My shirt is bunched up against my cold clammy skin, I cant get myself to pull it down.

I had something worse than a nightmare.
I dreamt you didnt exist.
but it cant be true, because I cant exist without you."


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

girl, you sicken me

Girls. I dont have many friends who are "girls"

that stereotypical image of a girl we all know we see in our minds. I shudder to think I could be one of those "girls."

And whats even worse? To be the girl who lusts after the idea.

Hatred is just another cover up for jealousy.

And even though she can hear their whispers, their negative blows, she smiles. She might even exhale a small, but quiet laugh. She knows its all lies.

To talk bad is to be afraid.

And the sick part is this: even if only for a second, if that girl asks for you, you're hooked. You are instantly under her spell, instantly a friend because you're afraid. afraid of what would happen if that one girl, the "pretty girl", said she didnt like you.
And deep within your shallow mind, you yearn to be just like her. To be the "pretty girl"

You sicken me."


Thursday, July 9, 2009

At All

You dont know me and I dont know you.

but thats ok.

I think I like how that relationship sounds, to be honest. Not claiming any knowledge on eachother other than the fact that I like to talk, and you like to listen.

Come to think of it...I dont really feel like I know me either.

I don't feel like I know myself. at all. That's how sad our mind is. Our brain power.

We can't remember our first word. Our first breath. Our first smile. We can't remember the first face we fell in love with based on physicalities and instincts alone.

I don't claim to know anyone at all."


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Home Sweet Home

Welcome home, thoughts gone stray. get comfortable, we are here for the long haul.

Home. I never felt as if I was ever there. What is this home you speak of?

A home isnt always where you live. We knew this. Before I met you, I knew. Somehow I knew I wasnt home until I found you.

I had a house, but wasnt home.
I had relationships, but I wasnt loved.
I had a life, but I wasnt living.

And when you left, I wasnt dead. Death would have been easier, life was torture. Everything around me was a reminder that you were gone. Even the things I didnt expect. The quiet breeze was your breath, the sunshine your smile. The moon was your soul and the stars your dreams. I was utterly surrounded by you when you were gone."


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