Passion MIA

That blinking line on the blank page keeps telling me to, but I just can't find it in me to write like I used to.

And I'm a little more than heart broken.

loss of muse.
loss of reason.
loss of friends.
loss of life.

I'm lost, please help me find me again."

Xk

Future X

"You're getting married, huh?"

"Yep."

"You know what that means."
"What?"

"Divorce."

Xk

to the horse from the human

Cookie Cty Cookie,

When I said "I love you", I meant forever.

If there was a way to get you to understand how much it hurts me to even think to let you go, I'd find it.

We've gone through hell and back in the past years I've known you. I know I've kicked and screamed and whined for you to change. I know I've begged for you to have that 'push button' personality.

Cookie, if there's one thing I want for you in this life you lead, please, never change.

Never change baby horse, just cause people can't handle your spirit doesn't mean there is anything wrong it. It's the part of you no one ever understood how I could love so much. It's the part I hate to leave behind the most.

You've healed me in so many ways Cookie, I can't begin to tell you. I'll always remember those times where you put your head to my stomach and let me hold onto you. It's like you knew that's all I ever really needed: someone to hold onto.


You are my horse and I am your human. Always.

Xk

It's Their Fault

I hate my parents.

not because they dont love me

because I exist.

Xk

Nothing Without the Past

You cannot write something and expect it to hold meaning to anyone, to be believable in any sort of way, unless you have felt the emotion you are trying to portray in your own life at some point in time.

I wouldn't dare try.

"What do you do?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"I write."

"What can you of all people have to write about?"

"Its personal."

"What? A bunch of sappy stories of love?"

"I can write of dreams, I can write of hurt and regret and sorrow. Misery, angst and fury. I can write of broken words, failures, and disloyalty, but I cannot write of love."

"Why not?"

"Ive never felt it."

Xk

And time only sets it deeper

Regret

It burns and foils only the sweetest of memories, forever landing those thoughts in a whirl pool of sorrow and pain.

For moments I wandered, leaves rustling, curling beneath my feet, trying to figure it all out.
Once while I stood there, knee high shrubs burying my shoes, I thought of you. The sky a dark, swirling grey, setting the mood swing I was in, to let that thought go was near impossible.

Of all the petty things I've done, as I stood in the darkness, as my tears overwhelmed my sight, I knew this was, unmistakeably, the worst."

Xk

death makes me strong

Death

The only thing certain in life is death.

The 100% of it is what scares me and the reaction is what breaks my heart.

I sat there, holding your trembling hands, wishing I could ease your pain. Wishing I could kiss away very tear streaming elegantly down your rose flushed cheeks and make everything back to the way it was only moments ago. Wishing that your head didn't have to be pressed against my neck in fear and sorrow but in love and romance. Wishing that your legs were too weak from a day of running, laughing, playing, not from the words you had just come to hear. Wishing that for just one moment you could smile again, tell me everything was OK again, love the world again. but I could not.

And as I sat there, now cradling your shaken body in my arms, my own tears mixed with your hair. As I know, one day, I might make you feel this way. As I know, one day, I will die.

This is what makes me strong. I will not let myself leave you. I stay strong for you, but I will not let you leave me without following soon after."

Xk