Freedom

The most wonderful thing in the world just happened. Just now.
Just now, I felt nothing.
I mean, the more I think about it the more I feel the pain you've made me endure these past few months but for one moment, just now, I saw you.
I saw you and I felt nothing.

I'm free.

Xk

Crippled Sad

I write better when I'm angry... but this? This sinking sadness? This is too much.

My pen can't even stand straight enough to punctuate.

I can't even describe this in words. That's how fucked up you make me feel.

Me.

Not having the words.

It's laughable.

Only not even close.

You've broken me past my worst.

Again.

Congratulations.

I didn't think that was possible.

I know, now, to never say so.

Things have, and always will get worse.

Thank you for showing me the light.

Not So Amazing

And I don't know what to do now.

You were supposed to be my amazing grace, the one to save me. The one I found, the sweetest sound, but now I'm lost and I can't see because you're gone and left without me.

Xk

but I feel more sorry for you

Why don't you stop taking stabs at me to relieve your insecurities and start saying you're sorry?

I never understood why people had to lie to themselves and rip my heart and whole being to pieces because they were unhappy with their own.
I don't deserve it.

You don't know how much I already battle just to live each day.
You don't know how much I'm already hurting.
You don't know me, period.

Stop pointing fingers at me, because I think it's time for a new hobby called:
grow the fuck up.


Xk

found someone's wings

Found an unclaimed angel who came only to my knees when I visited some relatives on Easter.

You never realize how much you miss someone until you visit their grave...

also found on HERE

Xk

Choices Made

suicide isn't always the answer for everyone.

Just know
that when I left you
it broke my heart.

And I know
that doesn't make sense.

And I know
that isn't very fair,

but

life's not fair.

Which is what you're crying
right now.

I'm crying too
right now.

I was trying to help.

I'll be dead soon anyway.

And you'll hate me for leaving you.

When all I was trying to do was escape
the fact that you couldn't save me.

I didn't want to see you fail."

Xk

Stranger's Tears

You know how they say "these are tears of joy"?

Well I've cried for a lot of things lately.
All I've lost,
all I don't have,
all I'll never have,
things I can't take back
and things I have or had no control over.

I've never had these so called "tears of joy".
Until tonight.
I cried for possibilty.

And that scares the shit out of me.

Nothing Without the Past

You cannot write something and expect it to hold meaning to anyone, to be believable in any sort of way, unless you have felt the emotion you are trying to portray in your own life at some point in time.

I wouldn't dare try.

"What do you do?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"I write."

"What can you of all people have to write about?"

"Its personal."

"What? A bunch of sappy stories of love?"

"I can write of dreams, I can write of hurt and regret and sorrow. Misery, angst and fury. I can write of broken words, failures, and disloyalty, but I cannot write of love."

"Why not?"

"Ive never felt it."

Xk