Miss You Miss

When you lose a friend, you don't see them. You get over it. But when you lose a sister, you see them. But they aren't really there.

When I see you, I don't.

I see memories that

haunt me into dreaming

things were how

they used to be.

I need to come to

terms with the fact

that you're lost.

You're not coming back.

That when I see you, I can't."

Freedom

The most wonderful thing in the world just happened. Just now.
Just now, I felt nothing.
I mean, the more I think about it the more I feel the pain you've made me endure these past few months but for one moment, just now, I saw you.
I saw you and I felt nothing.

I'm free.

Xk

stop looking around

Sometimes, when I'm writing, I think "oh yeah this is real good" and I'm conveying the message and all that bullshit.


But then I have to... I just HAVE to sneak a peak around the internet. I just HAVE to hit a post form someone else. And then it's all just pen on paper.


Wasted ink and wasted time.


Look at what THEY got across. Look at that shit. I can't do THAT. I didn't think of THAT. THAT's exactly how I feel. Why didn't I think of THAT. THAT is real nice.


Then I stop writing.
I sit back in silenced awe and yeah, sure, a whole fucking lot of bitterness and jealousy.


I am so worthless.
My talents do not rest here.

Crippled Sad

I write better when I'm angry... but this? This sinking sadness? This is too much.

My pen can't even stand straight enough to punctuate.

I can't even describe this in words. That's how fucked up you make me feel.

Me.

Not having the words.

It's laughable.

Only not even close.

You've broken me past my worst.

Again.

Congratulations.

I didn't think that was possible.

I know, now, to never say so.

Things have, and always will get worse.

Thank you for showing me the light.

Not So Amazing

And I don't know what to do now.

You were supposed to be my amazing grace, the one to save me. The one I found, the sweetest sound, but now I'm lost and I can't see because you're gone and left without me.

Xk

but I feel more sorry for you

Why don't you stop taking stabs at me to relieve your insecurities and start saying you're sorry?

I never understood why people had to lie to themselves and rip my heart and whole being to pieces because they were unhappy with their own.
I don't deserve it.

You don't know how much I already battle just to live each day.
You don't know how much I'm already hurting.
You don't know me, period.

Stop pointing fingers at me, because I think it's time for a new hobby called:
grow the fuck up.


Xk

found someone's wings

Found an unclaimed angel who came only to my knees when I visited some relatives on Easter.

You never realize how much you miss someone until you visit their grave...

also found on HERE

Xk