Monday, September 20, 2010

Miss You Miss

When you lose a friend, you don't see them. You get over it. But when you lose a sister, you see them. But they aren't really there.

When I see you, I don't.

I see memories that

haunt me into dreaming

things were how

they used to be.

I need to come to

terms with the fact

that you're lost.

You're not coming back.

That when I see you, I can't."

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


The most wonderful thing in the world just happened. Just now.
Just now, I felt nothing.
I mean, the more I think about it the more I feel the pain you've made me endure these past few months but for one moment, just now, I saw you.
I saw you and I felt nothing.

I'm free.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

stop looking around

Sometimes, when I'm writing, I think "oh yeah this is real good" and I'm conveying the message and all that bullshit.

But then I have to... I just HAVE to sneak a peak around the internet. I just HAVE to hit a post form someone else. And then it's all just pen on paper.

Wasted ink and wasted time.

Look at what THEY got across. Look at that shit. I can't do THAT. I didn't think of THAT. THAT's exactly how I feel. Why didn't I think of THAT. THAT is real nice.

Then I stop writing.
I sit back in silenced awe and yeah, sure, a whole fucking lot of bitterness and jealousy.

I am so worthless.
My talents do not rest here.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Crippled Sad

I write better when I'm angry... but this? This sinking sadness? This is too much.

My pen can't even stand straight enough to punctuate.

I can't even describe this in words. That's how fucked up you make me feel.
Not having the words.
It's laughable.
Only not even close.
You've broken me past my worst.
I didn't think that was possible.
I know, now, to never say so.
Things have, and always will get worse.
Thank you for showing me the light.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Not So Amazing

And I don't know what to do now.

You were supposed to be my amazing grace, the one to save me. The one I found, the sweetest sound, but now I'm lost and I can't see because you're gone and left without me.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

but I feel more sorry for you

Why don't you stop taking stabs at me to relieve your insecurities and start saying you're sorry?

I never understood why people had to lie to themselves and rip my heart and whole being to pieces because they were unhappy with their own.
I don't deserve it.

You don't know how much I already battle just to live each day.
You don't know how much I'm already hurting.
You don't know me, period.

Stop pointing fingers at me, because I think it's time for a new hobby called:
grow the fuck up.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

found someone's wings

Found an unclaimed angel who came only to my knees when I visited some relatives on Easter.
You never realize how much you miss someone until you visit their grave...

also found on HERE


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